LOVE IS HYPOCRISY-BEDRIDDEN
By Ramesh A. Dataya, Copyright 1998

As I stare at one corner of my room, thoughts and emotions replenish my mind. Where as the days of happiness and contentment filled my very being almost consistently, nearly persistently, this day I feel something different. Unlike the happier days when I was filled with love and compassion, by the warmth and care of another being, this day I stand alone.

Unlike those cherished moments when my girlfriend and I would walk around the seashore hand-in-hand, every beat of my heart chanting her name, the recent days contradict the past. Now I’m all alone as I pass that very same seashore this morning. As I watch the waves riveting from time-to-time, I can’t help but reminisce her. From the radiant glow of her lovely face, to the countless happy moments we’ve shared, and up to the very last time I’ve seen her, yes, I remember them all. Soon these good memories led me to the bad ones, but none as painful as what reality has in store for me now. What had been a good relationship, one that had been very strong, is in ruins, and just before the week began, it was over. What a painful reality, but that’s what life is all about.

That is exactly what’s in my mind this day, where in my girlfriend for almost three years and I have broken up. Of course, I’m terribly hurt and bewildered, for I never expected such scenario to happen. After-all, we’ve been together for a long period of time. We’ve withstood hundreds of challenges and have gotten so many cherished moments that it’s just difficult to throw all them away. Our relationship was so deep that, in fact, I never thought it would ever end. But I was wrong.

I really abhor getting hurt, especially when it comes to love. But life, as you see, is like that. Every person is bound to get hurt, no matter how much they try to make their loved ones happy. Nobody in this world lives a perfect life, and I am no exception. I know I should have been ready for this, and it’s really too bad I wasn’t. Now, just look at what’s happened to me, to my ambitions, my dreams and my life in general. I’m shattered and ruined; like a hopeless man out of direction. I’m a waste and a pity; a poor man abandoned by his only one. And all because of love… of devotion… and of undying affection that will never be fulfilled.

I know just how powerful love is, not only because I’ve seen people falling to it, but also because I myself felt it. Sure, love has made me happy before, especially when my former girlfriend and me were still together. Sure, the feeling of being loved and cared for by your loved one is incomparable, but the pain of being left out is unbearable. I don’t understand why we have to get hurt, why we have to be cheated, why we have to suffer so much. I know that I’m not the only one who ever felt this, but also all those people who have been through this situation before.

I wonder why God ever created this thing called love. Sure, it makes life more colorful; more meaningful. And while it does make you happy, it also hurts you in the very end. And the pain of breaking up is unparalleled, no doubt about that. I’ve seen some people whose lives were ruined after their relationships failed, and there were even those who tried to commit suicide. Although it sounds stupid, I can’t blame them. I sympathize with them because I understand how bitter it feels. After all, it’s not their fault. It’s their destiny, and destiny is always out of human control.

Yes, love by itself is a hypocrite. Love poses as a promising resort to those who want to feel "true happiness" and comfort. After all, the presence of your loved one alone makes you feel so good, especially when you’re together. And don’t forget the ultimate lure--- love provides you that powerful inner feeling which really works far stronger than the mind. However, as times passes, love will show its’ true color. Mind-boggling arguments and misunderstandings begin to take place. The lovers would often quarrel, and disagree even in the most little of things. And soon, love usually heads for the worse.

The worst thing about love is the pain it brings. I wasn’t aware of that in the beginning, and I realize it only now. And when I did, it was too late. Indeed, love is hypocrisy-bedridden. Why? It’s because your dreams, desires and compassion for your loved one may never be fulfilled, no matter how hard you try, no matter how dedicated you’ve been, no matter how much you’ve sacrificed. Ah, love, it’s so cruel, don’t you realize that? It’s ruining lives, ambitions and aspirations of so many people, including me. Yes, love has made me happy, too, but alas, it also ruined me in the very end.

I have lost not only my loved one, but also my heart, my soul and dignity. I have lost them all, and I feel like I’ll never fall in love again. My former girlfriend is my first true love, and I feel she will be my last. My conscience tells me not to look for somebody else, because I may not be able to provide my next girl the love I’ve given my first girlfriend. And my heart itself tells me not to love anymore, because I can no longer bear that inner most pain. It’s a feeling beyond my control.

But love, no matter how painful it has become, will always provide a chance for redemption. Of course, a broken-hearted person can love again. In other cases, he/she can become successful in his/her chosen profession. Look at Sharon Cuneta. She has lost Gabby Concepcion, who was a philanderer, but soon she got a far better man in Kiko Pangilinan. Look at Dennis Rodman. He was junked by his wife, a model - supposedly because he was ugly - but that only motivated him to become a basketball superstar. Look at Romnick Sarmenta. He lost Beth Tamayo, but now, more good opportunities have come his way. But what about me? What about you? Will we also follow these good examples set by these people who were also failures in love like us ?

As I stare continuously at one corner of my room, a mild disturbance leads me to my awakening. And as I look around my surroundings, a set of people emerges within my eyes. Hey, one of them was just dumped by his boyfriend. The other has just been spurned in courtship. And many more had been failures in love, too, and are loveless until now. But they’re happy. They had gotten over with it. And their past is really behind them now. Soon, a smile abounds on my face. They’re like me, having been hurt by love, and yet, somehow, they redeemed themselves. Of course, if they can do it, so can I. With this thought, my feelings begin to become lighter, my emotions less tense and my thoughts no longer centering on my problems. Yes, I can be happy again. Even during the days I stand alone.